#32

So, I just read about Naddysushi and her boyfriend who cheated on her. Even a person as pretty as her is cheget cheated on. Even Angelina Jolie was cheated by Brad.

So, I've been thinking about that thing that happened to me few months back. Well, its not that he cheated on me. Nor that we had anything to begin with.

Its just that, it sucks. You girls mustve been thinking like, move on. Its been so long. Get over it.

Hell, I'm doing my best to get over with it. But its not just a petty matter to me though. I've been thinking a lot. Like, was I too easy for him? Do I look as a merely a temporal satisfaction? A temporal place to be all mushy and pour all his sweet loving words to? Was I just a damn toy to begin with? Was it because what I did before? Was it because I ignored him too much bedore this? Was it a revenge? Did he ever meant anything he said? Was saying "i love you" a joke to him?

I wonder what were we before. I wonder what did you labelled us as. It was humiliating. It was a damn torture. It was pathetic. I felt pathetic. I feel like a damn trash.

How could you, go around giving false hope to me when I was at my weakest and left me dumbfounded with the cold truth. True, truth is better than lies. The pain was better than your sugar coated lies. You know, like the sour skittle. The sour layer gives you a slap in your face, waking you up. Gives a good amount of pain on your tongue. But the aftertaste is sweet, so sweet. It makes you forget about the first layer that wasnt a pleasant one, but it was worth it.

I told my friends about you, they told me I deserve  better. They told me you never deserved me. They said that you lost me big time, that you're going to regret this. But from I see, you're doing well, you're doing fantastic to be very honest. You're fine. You're doing okay. You never have the thought to check on me, to try and explain yourself.

But here I am, being pathetic at my best. Trying to erase every trace of you. Trying to forget everything that could relates to you.

I wish I never liked you too much. If so, I wouldn't be in such pain. If so, I won't be so broken hearted that I look like a damn loser and you won.

#31

Hey peeps. So I went to Bandung recently with my fambam. Quite fun but the only problem was it was raining the whole time and I was basically drenched wet and that's the main reason why I'm still sick with three combo-cough,flu&fever. 

I literally used up my kleenex the 50 sheets one in a day and voice is weird and I almost lost my voice and it's not a great one. But anyways, the whole trip was a bunch of joy. And I used up a lot of money, thanks Dad!!!!!

very pink

Here's the welcome snack that the Hotel gave us. Usually they serve welcoming drinks but why not. 

We bought internet data simPATI, 12gb for 100000rp which is RM35.

The makciks that wake us up at 4AM for subuh without directly waking us up.

my partner of "ambikkan gambar I dekat sini, lighting lawa, background lawa"

We went for supper bc we're damn hungry we skipped dinner for shopping.

Behind the scene of every OOTD

Here's to the kebaya that I wanted but I don't really wear kebaya but it's damn pretty.

When they took jerebu the literal way.

Family photo!

#30

Woop woop! Finally reaching the 30th post!

So anyways, I've been thinking a lot about antis and how they spend their days sending death threats and hateful comments. I mean, why.

How do they have so many times hating on someone who did nothing wrong to them and yet, they're throwing hates as if that person did so bad. I mean, saying to someone he should've died, or "your dad should've died with you", "you don't deserve to be alive", "you're a threat to the society".

Okay seriously, I mean, of course that person just doesn't meet your level of likeness or whatever. But being so hateful and discouraging is just a big no-no. Why don't you just bother with your own life and stop being a big bully so someone. Why do you waste your time and money to go to someone's concert that you didn't even like just to throw rubbish on the stage and attack someone with laser. Grow up people, the world is so old, and I believe you're older than your mental age, so behave like one. It's sickening how people get discouraged and agreed with the cyberbullies that they don't deserve to be alive and took their own life by committing suicide.

Aren't the society being to mean?

#29

Hey, it's me again. I'm writing again bc it's had been so long so why not update another one bc there's absolutely nothing better to do at home.

I went to Intec today with Syaf to meet Sarah. Aren't we cute, of course.

Anyways, we were supposedly go there yesterday but Sarah had class until evening so there's no point on going. And since she doesn't has any class on 1.30 onward today, so, today it is. Went to Shah Alam by KTM instead of driving bc its easier and yeah, no car anyways. So basically, I arrived at KL Sentral and had to wait for Syaf, not surprising. Always wait for Syaf, forever waiting for Syaf. And went to KTM and had to wait for half and hour for the train to arrive.

Met Tayrus today, I only heard of her before from Syaf and Sarah, and now got to see her, so cute and friendly. Never thought I was okay being friend with someone that I just met, but okay Syiqin, you cool.

Went back to Sarah's college at 2.30 by bus, basically the first time I had to go by bus to go back to college, you know, in Dengkil. It's almost as big as SGS is and I could just ran back to my room if I forgotten something in my room. But, well, there, it's a different story. If I ever left anything, which I always do, I'm just fucked.

So anyways, went to her room and talked and I don't even know what we did, but it was good. Went to eat a Secret Recipe and went back home. And that's just how short our meetups are but it's good.

btw, I just told Syaf about my dream about clowns in Malaysia, and guess what.

And I had wrote about this creepy clowns for my essay during SPM revision month, and guuuurl, it wasn't even cute gurl. I'm going to cry. Bye. This is the last time I'm going out because in my dream, the clowns were waiting in front of my house and they were holding a damn huge parang with blood dripping from it and they were like "Kalau berani keluarlah rumah". Bye everyone I'm sorry for the essay that I wrote before and my dream, I never thought it could be real.

#28

Hey peeps. I've finally come to save my blog from being dusty and old and boring. So, last week, I went to Cameron Highland with my parents since I have nothing to do during sem break so my dad decided to go for a short holiday. He told me to choose between Melaka and Cameron Highland. I picked the latter since my mom likes going to peaceful place and I know she needed some good rest.

Anyways, it wasn't really a fun one since there's nothing much to do. There's no reason for me to go hype over cheap vegetables, I mean, I don't even eat greens. So, yeah, my mom was having fun. Dad was busy buying vegetable for college's kitchen. And there's me, enjoying ice-cream, giant sotong goreng, cendawan goreng, anc jagung bakar. Good food accompanying me while my parents when around the market buying this and that and I was just freezing there.

But, yeah, it was a great holiday since its cold and breezy and just nooooice! Although, I almost threw up on the way to Cameron Highland because I was reading some fanfictions and the road was veeeery loopy and dad was driving as if he's on a race or something, but thank god we stop for tea, so I was feeling better. Anyways, here's some picture I took while I was there.

Ayah basically told me to take selfies bc he wants to. 

Another picture that Ayah insisted on taking. 

Here's the one Mak told me to.

"Ayah nak gambar tengah tengah bunga ni. Ambik angle jangan nampak selipar ayah."

Buzzzzzzzzzz 

 This is the Mak likes the most but doesn't want to buy bc she said if we bring this back to KL, "confirm mati, KL panas". Anyways, its called, Silver Dust.

Bought some cactus for myself. Let's just hope it'll last for a few weeks okay. 

Anyways, my mom told my brother to not get married and take of her and dad when they're old. And she insisted that I look for rich guy to get married with.

#27

Oh wow, phew, I've finally made my comeback my dear fans. Don't worry about me I'm doing fine. I'm pretty sure you lil shits miss me. Okay, Where should I start? What should I start with? There's a lot of things that happened for the past few months but I barely remembered what I did few hours ago. Sucks to be me. Oh, and I just realized the last post was on June and it's already September. And that, my friend, is how fast the time is flying. Seriously.

Okay so, pretty sure everyone has their own class' WhatsApp group aight. So, mine, in one word, I would describe it as, annoying. These people seriously need to get a life and stop chatting 24/7. I mean, okay you guys wanted to chat with ONLY the two of you. BUT WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING NONSENSE IN THE GROUP CHAT OH MY GOD! GODDAMNIT GO PM THAT PERSON LAH WHY ARE YOU TALKING IN THE DAMN GROUP YOU ARSE! I've been giving hints and even directly told them to simply "weh boleh pm tepi kot korang" and yet they took it as a damn joke. No commonsense is it? How would you feel waking up in the morning with your WhatsApp hanging and with 400 messages? from the same chat group? and your battery is draining? and your class starts at 8? gurl? the last message was on 4AM? these people tak tidur ke? what is going on? and when you scroll through the chats and all you can see is nonsense like

"eh aku suka lexus peanut butter." 

"weh malasnya buat tuto"

"korang buatper" 

"aku nak masak maggi" 

"alah aku tak balik pun since raya haritu, tak kecoh pun?" 

"*kecek kelate*" 

"different people, different opinion" 

"*copy paste from group family, you know how makcik makcik dekat group chat is*" 

"*share gambar kucing with stupid caption*" 

"*asking for the nth times about which tuto to do, which one had been discussed, what time class is, is it cancelled, where the class is*"

First of all, I don't shit a shit about you. I don't want to know. I hate these people. Imuted the group for a year the moment I was invited. I hate these people. I know I mentioned it before, but, I hate these people.

and thats my rant for tonight. thank you

#26

Hi, hello, annyeong.

This shall be a very random post since I have nothing to do today.

So, I've finally turned 18. But the saddest thing was my birthday was during the MDS in Dengkil and apart from that, none of my housemate know my birthday thus the loneliness I felt as the clock ticked 12.00 A.M. and actually none of us was asleep at that moment. We were waiting for our turn to hit the shower.

Until then, I didn't even mentioned it was my birthday, I mean, how could I? Then Mira called me and avoided wishing my birthday though, I've asked her if she didn't have anything else to say and she just replied with a laugh. And some friends whatsapped me, wishing a happy birthday. But I was feeling very lonely and I missed my dormmates the most. Looking back through 2014, and 2015. As the clock struck 12.00 AM they would surprise me with all sorts of shitty things, and that moment in Dengkil. They didn't even know the day was my birthday. But it's okay, I'm okay. Oh and I looked for Bella the whole day to wish her birthday, and shared our heartbreaking celebration in front of Pusat Islam :(

Anyways, I was hoping for a lot of torture and ragging throughout the MDS but we only had a lot of talks and talks and more talks to be heard. Which is very boring. I mean, where's the fun of orientation without tortures? Also, I don't understand why we had to pray at the court when they could just give us the permission to go to our room to pray for 15 minutes and gather downstairs again. Which, in my opinion, is better.

I'm very glad many of SGS friends are in Dengkil with me or I'll end up crying all day without anyone I know being near me. Though, my housemates are okay and they are bunch of fun but I still want my SGS friends being near me. But none of them is in the same group. Among the 30 of us, none of us are in the same group, I'm so emo :(

Can't wait to go to the class and study again but I'm scared since the last time I studied was the day before Biology paper during SPM. I hope I won't sleep during class that's the only thing I wanted throughout the 2 semesters in Dengkil.

Okay, thats all
toddles

#25

So, this post will be dedicated with all my heart for my bestest ever the most bestest best among the bestest humans in my life, the shittiest 6 homo sapiens that I've known for the past 6 years.

So, here it goes.

I first met them on 21st January, my first day in Zon R1. The first one that I met was Fatin because she ran to me during recess and asked my name and whatnot. And then I met Aisyah and the rest followed by. I met Lala at the bus stop, the one across our school while waiting for the van. I don't really remember about Yana, Anis and Hanim. I guess it just happened like that.

We actually had a row back then, early 2011, few months after we met. To tell you the truth, it was hilarious and pretty stupid. I mean, what do you expect from a 13 years old teenagers anyways.

Through a lot of ups and downs and a lot of fights here and there. Thank God, we're still friends and still stupid. Words can't really describe how much you girls meant to me, but I definitely love you guys more than pizza, and that's a lot. I love you girls, a lot. I'm not kidding. Thank you for being with me through all these years. Though I had been such a bitch and I don't really treat you girls that nice. Seriously, thank you. For accepting me to be in your life. I can't imagine my life without you girls.

There's a lot for me to say to you girls, but I don't really express my feelings that well. I hope you girls know just how precious each and everyone of you girls meant to me. Never more nor never less. Remember we planned to build our house right next together so we can hang out everyday. And we planned to launch our own cafes, salon, boutique and what not. What were we thinking anyways.

Cheers for our 6 years of friendship, and to many more of us!

So, I'll write something for Fatin since she wrote a letter for me hehuheh.

Fatin. Simply because I was stuck with her in SGS.

So Fatin, I read your letter just now and I teared up. Thank you, I don't usually cry, but of course I have soft spot for love letters. So thank you. Thank you for being stuck with me is SGS for 2 years. God, I wasn't even there for you the whole 2 years doh. I was busy with my own life. I was busy with my other friends. I was busy with whatever else that I could busy myself with, and that doesn't really includes you. I mean, you have your own circle of friends, and so do I. We fought a lot. We laugh a lot. We shared a lot of things together. It's weird studying without you. I've spent 5 years in school with you, and things won't be the same anymore in Dengkil. You're not there with me, and that make a huge difference in my life. Stop thinking about that boy. Stop worrying if he likes your friend. Stop worrying about your hints you've been giving him since forever. If he's worth it, your time will come. If he's not, then just wait. I don't want your heart to be broken anymore. Stay focused! I won't be there in Pilah with you. I won't see your ugly sleeping face anymore. And I won't have you to bother me anymore. Please, stay safe and be successful. I love you.

I hope none of you gets married early, please stay a loner like me. Please don't leave me I'm not ready yet. Let's just hope everyone will be successful and start studying seriously and stop worrying about boyfriends. Or whatever shits we've been through. Let's just study for once and please stop bothering my life. I seriously hate you guys.

Anywaysssssssssssssss

I don't know how I'm supposed to express my gratitude to you shits for today.

So basically, I asked Fatin to pick me up today to go to JJ. And planned to have lunch in Johnnys because I was craving for some steamboat. And I need to buy hangers and extension wire for my new phase of life in Dengkil. So, basically Fatin told me to get ready around 1.30 right after Zuhur. Which I got ready pretty fast because, I mean, JJ je kot. Nak beli hanger je. Why do I need to dress up and everything. So I grab a long sleeve tshirt, tudung bawal and waited for Fatin. And waited, wait some more. And more waiting. Until it was almost 2.30 and I was pretty fueled up. I'm not that kind of janji melayu kind of people since my parents are very strict about time management and whatever. I was starving to be added up with. And they arrived like finally and said she needed to go to titiwangsa. Which, I just go with the flow. I mean, who cares. I don't. Obviously.

And Fatin kept on going the wrong ways, and she seriously failed parking. It's annoying. And it was hot and I was getting sweaty and sticky. She kept on insisting me and Aisyah to get out and walk with her. Which is very annoying, because it's hot and I'm starving. Soooooo, we walked and I wasn't expecting anything. I was that damn oblivious until Fatin told me and Aisyah to close our eyes. Which was damn obvious they had something planned out and I saw balloons and those assholes who said they had waited for us in Johnnys. I ALMOST TOLD THEM TO ORDER SOMETHING FIRST BECAUSE I WAS DAMN HUNGRY AT THAT POINT.

But, yeah whatever. I love you guys. Thank you. I'm obviously not going to celebrate my birthday in Dengkil. I really hate not celebrating my birthday with you shits. Ah mampus ah tak suka aku nak berkasih sayang dengan korang. Sudahlah aku tampal gambar korang dekat meja study tu kira sweet lah tu apa lagi korang nak. Thanks okay thanks. I like the present.

Thanks Lala ingat what I wanted from Typo. I've been eyeing that cushion ever since Typo had it because it's pretty. Thanks.

anyways, shoutout to Amie and her boyfriend for being there too! YAY. mom and dad. huhehuheh

I'm almost 18.