#36

I've been spending my holiday by watching a lot of things on the internet. Recently, I've been watching 'Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners', which I think a pretty entertaining TV show. heh.

So, it started out when I saw Iman Azman's posted about this shows on her instagram and I thought 'hey, why not'. 

So, yeah, I've watching it diligently , not kidding. It's fun. I mean, seeing how opposite kind of people interacting to make things work. Yalls better watch it. So anyways, the show is about these very very obsessive cleaners who spends approximately around 6 hours daily to clean their house. First of all, when I heard, I was like, ok who would have that much time to clean their house daily and yet again, daily, everyday? I would spend 6 hours even weekly.

But yes, these obsessive compulsive cleaners, literally spend 6 hours or more to clean their house and they also used up around 10 bottles to bleach cleaners weekly. It was said that they have the urge to scrub every inch of their house to avoid any germs living on it and they just want their toilet to be clean af so that they can drink water from their toilet bowl. I'm not kidding, they actually did.

They also wouldn't let anyone to use their toilet, saying that they would bring all kind of germs. istg, their toilets are so clean and sparkly. Most of them are OCD diagnosed, and that's why they are doing things repeatedly until it's perfect. 

The saddest part is that, these people who are claimed as OCC (Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners) are pretty stressed out about how much money they're spending for bleachers and how less time they're spending their times with their family, mostly said, their children. Some of them claimed that cleaning is therapeutic escape for them. But yeah, this too, connects with their mental health that makes them wanting to cleans from the fear of germs and infections. 

So, this TV Show is about the collaboration of these OCC people with their opposite kind of people, who is the ones who never cleans, at all! Their house is a wreck! A total mess, I cannot understand how they could live like that. Most of them don't have any space to sleep because their house is too full with all the crap that they have. Most of them are hoarders who buys a lot of things from charity events, car boot sales or any kind of sales but never cleans. And, it's pretty disgusting, istg. 

So, these OCC people will spend 4 days trying to help and cleans those houses and at the same time challenging themselves to be less of an OCC person and yknow, overcoming their fear because that's just how life are. And seeing that, it shows that everyone is different. The hoarders said that they kept all those craps because it has their own memories, while the OCC guys said throw it away so that you'll have a lot of space and your house will look more minimalist. And somehow after 4 days, the two of them will come to a closure and discuss among them about whats good and whats bad. 

That's just it. My brother told me that I might have OCD, but i doubt that because I never realy like to keep my stuff neat of to check on things frequently. But that one time, I actually sat quietly in the kitchen after our open house during raya celebration, I was diligently separating utensils according to size, design, types and stacking them neatly and wrapping them and putting it nicely in a box. I also arrange my wardrobe according to colors. okay, maybe not really, but I separate black from anything else, for pants, i separate it from track bottom usually for me, I have pants with lines at the side so I fold it and put it so the lines are visible, that's pretty neat. And another thing I do is, I use coloured hangers according to the type of clothes. maroon for pretty baju kurung moden, jubah, kaftan. blue for normal baju kurung, black for cardigans, varsity, sweaters, and everything else is neatly folded. 

Another thing is I fold my clothes as neatly as possible. I hate how my mom fold my clothes because she's more of the 'asal lipat sudah lah' and I'm more of the 'kena lipat elok elok and all must be in same size'. And in Dengkil, I do spend most of my time cleaning the house because most of them just never really cared of cleaning the house and it's frustrating to see how dirty the toilet is, to see the rubbish all piled up with not a single person willing to throw it out. So. Frus. Trat. Ing

Last, but not the least, I have sensitive sense of smelling. I hate when anything smells bad, be it a human, a room, or anything. If it smells bad and you're on my black list. And I don't understand why people smells bad, especially if their clothes smells 'kepam' like, okay, if my clothes, ever, smells 'kepam' I'd throw it in the washer again! 

And, if you're saying that that person smells bad because the person is a bit on the chubby side. Well, my brothers and I are pretty much on the chubby side but we, undeniably, smells so good you'd want to cuddle us 24/7. And please, take care of your hygiene, and don't wear the same thing for a week, that's just, a total no-no. Wear perfumes, body mist, use deodorant. Don't forget to shave. And just take a good long bath to eliminate all those icky smells.

adios.

#35

Okay so it's almost 12 AM and here I am on my bed, I just finished doing my mathematics tutorial and now I'm thinking of how the foundation is going to end and I'm actually getting all sad and gloomy. 

I mean, how am I not? In a month, foundation will end, and I'm back with being at home doing nothing, well of course I'm planning to work. But yeah, that's not the point here, what I'm going to say is that I'm sad, it's going to end. That this hectic crazy life is ending, I don't have to stay up until late night and wake up early for class, I don't have to stress over lab reports, assignments, quizzes, all those shitty things that we've been through here. But hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 

Okay, my main point is actually, I'm going to miss my friends. Everyone, from my classmates and housemates and friends since SGS that I won't be seeing that frequently anymore. God, I'm so sad to leave them but I'm happy to leave foundation (basically I'm quitting science bye yalls).

Okay okay okay, so starting from this semester, I guess I've been quite fond of a few of my classmates and yeah, I love them, I guess? I don't even know how to put it in words but they actually meant a lot to me than I expected them to be. From all of our inside jokes and gossips to crushes here and there, to food sharing and everything. Leaving Dengkil means leaving behind all the great memories behind and keeping them save in the deepest pit of my heart. I met a lot of amazing people here, I'm amazed of how fond we are to each other and how much we knew of each other. 

I remember the first day we met, I was not that happy to see none of my SGS clans are in the same class. But hey look at us now! heheh. Anyways, here's to the few favorite girls in the class that kept me sane throughout the classes you girls are the real mvp, no jokes. 

To Aina, Qama, Sab, Azreen, Fahimah, Khilwa, Asmaa, Qaqa, Aseela, Neno, Fildzah, (my mains here heheheheheheh)

wow, I cannot imagine life after foundation without you annoying bunch,

Siapa nak menyahut everyone I shouted "Siapa nak makanan jerit hey!!" in class or anywhere.

Siapa nak gelak at my hambar jokes and my actually very lawak jokes.

Siapa nak dengar cerita sendu sedih duka lara, cerita mengarut with no ends, and cerita cerita lain.

Siapa nak tell me to stop talking because I'm annoying?

Siapa nak get annoyed with the faces I made when you're talking with me.

Hah, siapa dik, siapa. Ko boleh jawab ke. Hah. 

Nonetheless, thank you for being mah friends yalls dah bombs okay see yalls later I hope you guys never bring this up in class. It's cringe worthy istg. I hope yalls actually read this after asasi ends. I don't want to write this after asasi ends because this tu I dah tak sendu because I;m happy being at home but now I'm all sad and homesick and I love you guys okay. now ciao. 

#34

So, this post will be dedicated to the friends I made throughout my days in CFS UiTM Dengkil.

Where should I start. 

I guess, I should start with my housemates? Although, they wouldn't read this anyways. Who cares.

First and foremost, each and everyone of them were actually scared of me at first because they said that I look scary and very garang. Which, after a while, they found out that I was the totes opposite. hihi. What I would always wanted to say to these people is that, I'm so grateful to have them as a part of my journey in life. Thank God, I don't have any weirdos as my housemates or I would go nuts. 

We usually have these weird late night talks about our future, our own political point of views, how we felt, our crushes and others. I cherish them, especially since everyone likes to share food. Which, I have soft spot for food, so a plus point for them. Thank you for waking me up every morning and making me realize I need to study, for giving me support when I have so many things to do. For making me feel better every now and then. 

p/s: thank you for lending me tutorials because I'm just lazy af. huhu

Now, I should move to my classmates. I am only close with a few of them and I have no plans on being nice to others. lol, I am not even sorry though. 

So me being me, I only talk to the ones I like and ignore the other. loljk, mana ada, I actually talk to everyone it's just I tend to me attached to few. During the first semester, I was close with Qama, Neno and Fildzah the most. We somehow ended up doing everything together, be it studying, presentation or even eating during lunch or dinner. We talked about a lot of things and for the second sem my group of friends has finally expanded. Thank God, I'm not that introvert much. (since when was I ever)

These people has been the main reason of my sanity throughout the semester. and also, few of them are the reason of my purse nipis every week. But then, thank you for being my dates going here and there for good food. The ones who listen to my lovestruck moments everyday (especially masa tengah practice flashmob hm)

The ones I'm close with are the one who would pergi makan dekat anjung during one hour breaks and the ones yang turun anjung eventhough it was raining heavily to watch my flashmob. The ones who are very loud in class. The ones who understand my jokes and layan I eventhough tak lawak and I'm very annoying. and the most important one is, the ones yang share their food with me. hihihihihi.

For some unknown reasons, we would be seated nearly during lectures or tutorials and we would pass our food among us (basically since we understand how sleepy we are during class) and these people are the ones who knows about my heartbreak (the one I had already overcame, don't worry I okay jewpz)

I cannot imagine how it's going to be after foundation ends, and we won't meet each other anymore and we won't be in the same university (but then if anyone ended up in same university as me during degree, you know I'll cling onto you, just saying) 

We only have 6 weeks together, and we'll go our own ways. It's saddening how attached I've grew to you guys for this 2 semester and everything we've been through together. The hectic weeks, the never ending lectures, the replacement classes at night, the 3 tutorials in a day, the 3 lab report a week and everything. Hey, you guys made my foundation life memorable and at least I'm staying sane. 

p/s: let's stay sane for the last 6 weeks and be friends until we grow old because u girls are my fambam.

Okay not to forget my mains from SGS, eventhough we've known each other since SGS tapi dah masuk Dengkil baru nak berkawan. apa benda ntah, I also don't know.

So this one, dedicated to Awin, Zety, Alyssa (Mira dah jadi bae I since SGS so tak payah include)

Anyways, wow these people lah yang jadi sushi date I, pulut mangga date and anjung/palma date throughout foundation. Who could ever imagined us together. I don't even talk to these people dekat SGS dulu. idk what to say, but thank you sebab layan I. lol see u guys in dengkil.

I'm also going to include the ones I know from flashmob eventhough I tak borak dengan diorang pun but I least yelah. saja. suka hati I lah.

#33

Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi 

So do you guys know that thing everyone's been doing since last year?

The 1 like=1 fact about me/ 1 thoughts or thing like so?

So, yeah, I'm going to it here. Because if I did it on my twitter no one would  like the post sebab I ni beshe beshe je tak famous pun. 

Anyways, it's going to be combination of facts and opinion and whatever shit I'm going to type its pretty much random. 

1. Everyone's first impression of me would be snobbish and a bitch. Due to my unimpressed resting bitch face and my lack of words with new homo sapiens. I tend to chill and observe people and target on who I should talk to. Because, that's just how I do it. I don't just talk to everyone. I talk to the ones I think I could blend well with. So, if I talked to you. You're pretty lucky. Congratulation on being the chosen ones. 

2. I don't talk much. Only the first few hours after we met. And then you'd be the one who would tell me to shut the hell up. I'm not talkative around my family members especially with my parents, might due to their absence while I was growing up? I don't know. I grew up mostly with my bibik, my mom would go to work early in the morning and come back at night. My dad works in Seremban and he would only be back during the weekends and by then, he's too tired to play with me. Me and my brother have large age gaps so it's pretty awkward. Me and my cousins, too, have large age gap. Thus, I go around and make friends with a lot of people. 

3. I'm pretty clingy and annoying. Like, sooooo annoying. I make ugly faces and just weird faces when someone is trying to talk to me. I make weird noises 24/7. I'll make you tell me that I'm cute. I'll make you feed me. I'll make you accompany me to the toilet. I'll make you sick of me but you could never hate me because I am that irresistible. 

4. I fall in love very quickly and I fall out of love quickly too. So there's this one time my housemate did this personality test on love on me. And yeah, it was stated there, even in the damned personality test that I fall in and out of love quickly. And this is the main reason why my friends need to calm and listen to my "OMG he is sooo heart eyes emoji" every now and then. I'm afraid of falling too deeply in love. I'm amazed how people decides to get married. I mean, how do they know, that person is the one? What if the feeling is temporary? What if it was yet, another bet? Ha, camana tu. 

5. I have this very dark and gloomy sight of my future since my parents wanted me to pursue in science but they actually forgotten that I'm pretty stupid in science and I don't like it since primary school. My brothers told me it's okay to take English/Business Administration as long as I like what I'm doing. My brothers told me to choose between passion and interest. Which narrowed down to English and Psychology. But hey, have I ever said that my parents are actually against both of that. Well yeah, that's why I'm suffering this 2 Semester doing Science. When everyone I met thought that I was a TESL student. I know. 

6. I have no specific genre of music that I listen to. It ranges from Akim & The Majistreet (I taktau how its spelled) to Panic! at the Disco to Pierce the Veil to Avenged Sevenfold to Ed Sheeran to Ariana Grande to Nicki Minaj to Eminem to Kpop (sebenarnya more to kpop) 

7. I like to go food hunting (plus a little shopping) So that's why I would go out with someone who wouldn't mind spending extra money for food. Because, I obviously wouldn't mind going to a pricey place for good food. Because good food=happy tummy. 

8. I'm against those yizlumik people who is discriminating others about:

• Tak pakai tudung tapi solat, haram
• Main pokemon go, haram
• Starbucks haram
• Poligami itu sunnah

As you can see, I am not that yizlumik and I have my own opinions on things like this. I find it funny how they could go around saying that hot dog is haram because the word dog. But you could go around and smoke and when someone said rokok is haram you go nuts and said there's no hadis saying rokok is haram. Funny how triggered this yizlumik people looking and the cross, saying that we should use the letter t because it resembles the cross.

9. I have very short term memory. So, you guys could come to me and tell me yous secrets mainly since I will forget it in a span of 5 minutes. 

10. I stan a lot of girls group. I don't like BTS (no hate though, I just don't understand the hype). The reason I prefer girls group is, I don't know, no reasons, their songs are ultimate bop. Girl crush everywhere. Why do you need oppa when you can have unnies who makes your heart flutters (koreanboos sangat)

12. I would love to go and travel around the Malaysia (sebab takde duit nak pergi overseas) with my friends. Tak kisah drive or naik flight I just wanted to go places and try a lot of food and take a lot of nice pictures together. yes yes. The first one on the list would be Penang (my love)

13. I'm actually scared of the opposite sex. I would go to a different kedai in anjung sebab I don't want to be in places crowded with boys. 

14. I have a lot of perfumes. Everyone said that we shouldn't have that much of perfume because a perfume should be significant or something. Like if anyone smell it, they would be reminded by you. But, yeah, so far I have tons of it and recently my sister-in-law just gave me a new one. Yayezz

15. I once cried at school in front of the teachers before Permai's birthday party because the cake hasn't arrived yet and I was scared if it won't be there on time. Yes, very emotional. 

16. I didn't really planned to join the dance club during my days in SGS but I did. and trust me, it was worth it. 

17. When my brother got married, I actually got sad, like very sad since I won't be the one they would prioritize anymore and now that they have their own kids, it makes me realized that I'm okay, they took care of their kids exactly like how they treated me (a lot more kinder kot) but yeah, I'm cool

18. My brother told me to find a guy that respect me even before we are in a relation, when we are in a relationship. Because, if that guy didn't respect me even before we're married, how do I expect that guy to treat me right? 

19. I am against being fair is pretty. I think all shades of skin in pretty in their own ways. I mean, gurl, you have extra melanin to protect you from the UV gurl, rock your shades gurl. And also, I am against skinny is pretty. (basically since I gave up on my diet, again) I love curves. But I tired looking for tops in size M and bottom in L or XL. Do you even know the struggles to look for the ready made baju kurung for my size? If I buy it in M, I wouldn't fit the bottom. If I buy it in L, the top would be very loose but the butt it cute and hugs my butt. 

Okay, how long am I supposed to write again? I don't know. I'm going to continue

20. I treasure my friends a lot. Believe me, even if we're not talking anymore I still cherish every moment we shared together back then when we used to talk all day everyday. I love you people. I like to talk about weird things most of the time, but usually, nowadays, I would talk about life. Like how it's going to be in few years time. What I'm going to do in my life after foundation. Which course should I take. I ask around and you know, just listen to other's opinion. I like doing that. 

21. I get pretty proud when my friends got awed by my fork&spoon skills especially kalau nak kopek kulit udang. gila pro okay. I would like to say thank you to pengawas dm (dal) yang selalu marah masa makan beradab dulu siap suruh berdiri or tutup kipas sebab semua makan bising sangat. Thanks to SGS, my fork&spoon skills are pretty neat. very prim and proper gitu. 

22. I would randomly dance to a song (kalau I ada mood) my housemates find it amusing how I couldn't keep still even a minute. I find it amusing how still I could be if I'm laying on my bed and doing nothing. Like, very still, the only thing I was doing is breathing.

23. Okay, this one is for Aina. She wanted me to write how to handle boys. Wow the irony, I don't even talk to guys, but, haih, nevermind. How to Handle Boys 101 by Syiqin Rusli: 

#1 Do not ever, EVER trust them that easily. Don't get your hopes up too high, you're just giving them the chance to break your heart. They have their own ways to play with words, and you'll fell for it.

#2 Act as if you are not interested and see how far they'd go for you

#3 Don't be those jealous girlfriends who would be mad if the boys talked to another girls, let them live. They're not your husbands pun. 

#4 Be friendly and smile. Don't worry, you're not flirting but its just an act of politeness. uhuhuhu

#5 If you have a boyfriend, treat them right, you jangan nak harapkan dia je bagi you surprise presents semua, habistu you punya duit buat apa? surprise lah dia pulak, make him happy. kalau your boyfriend boleh bagi you a bouquet of flowers or makeup. buy him what he likes too. 

24. I do wear makeups but in small amount and I only wear foundation and lipstick, I wear eyeliners occasionally if I'm in the mood to. I have a lot of lipsticks mostly in pink. Different shades of pink. It's cute. I bought Sephora's Give Me Some Lips, miniature lip kit but it hasn't arrived yet. I'm still waiting, come one Sephora! So anyways, it's a kit of Marcs Jacob, Kat Von D, Sephora, Nudestix and idk I don't remember. (I'll do a post on that, don't worry).

25. I can bake well. I can't cook though. My cookies are the bomb! My cupcakes, cakes, kek batik and pretty much everything is da bomb! But I can't cook. At all. I could only help my mom in the kitchen but I never cooked anything by myself except for maggi, nuggets and nasi goreng. I will learn how to cook before getting married. Jangan risau future husband, you won't eat pasir.

26. I get scared pretty easily. From all the horror movies I've watched, nothing beats Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam for me. That's just the scariest shit I've watched my entire life. I still get scared every once in a while if anyone reminds me of any of the scene in the movie. I would cry. istg, I cried. 

So anyways, I'm going to stop at 26. Because my brithday is on 26th of May. (save the date and buy me some gift okay)

#32

So, I just read about Naddysushi and her boyfriend who cheated on her. Even a person as pretty as her is cheget cheated on. Even Angelina Jolie was cheated by Brad.

So, I've been thinking about that thing that happened to me few months back. Well, its not that he cheated on me. Nor that we had anything to begin with.

Its just that, it sucks. You girls mustve been thinking like, move on. Its been so long. Get over it.

Hell, I'm doing my best to get over with it. But its not just a petty matter to me though. I've been thinking a lot. Like, was I too easy for him? Do I look as a merely a temporal satisfaction? A temporal place to be all mushy and pour all his sweet loving words to? Was I just a damn toy to begin with? Was it because what I did before? Was it because I ignored him too much bedore this? Was it a revenge? Did he ever meant anything he said? Was saying "i love you" a joke to him?

I wonder what were we before. I wonder what did you labelled us as. It was humiliating. It was a damn torture. It was pathetic. I felt pathetic. I feel like a damn trash.

How could you, go around giving false hope to me when I was at my weakest and left me dumbfounded with the cold truth. True, truth is better than lies. The pain was better than your sugar coated lies. You know, like the sour skittle. The sour layer gives you a slap in your face, waking you up. Gives a good amount of pain on your tongue. But the aftertaste is sweet, so sweet. It makes you forget about the first layer that wasnt a pleasant one, but it was worth it.

I told my friends about you, they told me I deserve  better. They told me you never deserved me. They said that you lost me big time, that you're going to regret this. But from I see, you're doing well, you're doing fantastic to be very honest. You're fine. You're doing okay. You never have the thought to check on me, to try and explain yourself.

But here I am, being pathetic at my best. Trying to erase every trace of you. Trying to forget everything that could relates to you.

I wish I never liked you too much. If so, I wouldn't be in such pain. If so, I won't be so broken hearted that I look like a damn loser and you won.