#18

Hey guys, do you like my new blog playlist? Because I loooooooooooove love love love love it, of course I do. I chose it. Duh, obviously.

Okay, so btw. I was supposedly go to Central Market today with Mira and Syirah to settle the problem regardless the mistake that akak did to our dance team tshirt. The problem that angered me and nearly made me burn her shop down. So basically, our tshirt should have this glittery words of DANCE, which took me hours of editing and choosing the right color of glitter and my bad photoshop skills. But, she said they couldn't do the glitter things, so I let it go with heavy heart and went on with her own design. Then, she told me our varsity is ready, I was so proud of the result. It was puuuuuuuurfect! So I asked her about the tshirt, which she replied with, will be sent to the factory for printing. Which, by unknown reason, made me mad. I mean, why is it not? I thought the varsity took you long enough? Hello? It's been months? But, okay. Just go with the flow I guess.

Then few days after that, she called me and asked me whether the word DANCE was in black color? I nearly yelled at her to be very honest. Because it was clear that the design that I gave her was in magenta. I was like, excuse me, its not supposed to be black? What are you talking about, guuuurl? So she sent me the picture of the tshirt and I almost cried. They got all the colors wrong! HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE GUUUURL! I told her, I don't want it, it's either they give me refunds or print new one. She insist that it's not possible to do so, and insist on giving discount for the tshirt. Excuse me, lady, I don't need no discount. I want the tshirt to be like how it was suppose to be, lady please. Can you not anger me more than you already have? So I told Mira to talk to her because I might end up cursing her non-stop, which isn't a pretty thing to do. So finally, after all the discussion she finally gave in! She told us she'll print the new ones. But! But, she pointed out that we need to choose the color correctly and not to ask for reprinting. Excuse me lady, not our fault that you didn't give us any sample before proceeding, now, isn't it? So, basically, it will be done by next week. Hopefully before I go to Korea so that I could bring the varsity there *heart eyes emoji*

Cancelled the plan for Central Market but Mira told me she's already at her mom's office. We had out usual last minute date to Sunway Putra. Which I haven't been to. And since mom is not home so there's no car that I can drive, now I need to get this straight. I don't have my driving license yet, but I can drive, so yeah. So anyway, it meant that I need to go there my public transport, which I hate, zzzz. Anyway, took the cab to LRT Setiawangsa because mom's not home to sent me there. So here's the confusing thing though. I need to transit to Masjid Jamek and take the train from Ampang Line heading to Sentul Timur. Which I didn't even know! So I was so damn confident and went to the ones heading to Ampang. Told Mira I was already in Pudu when she asked me where am I heading to. I almost cried when I realized I took the wrong lane! I wanted to dash out of the train but the door was closed. So I drop at Chan Sow Lin. What a long journey sia, no joke!

So I just asked this auntie, where the train to PWTC? She told me to go the lane next to the one I got off. Went on the train and realized that I've yet again took the wrong train since it's heading to Maluri. God, why today? Why is it today of all the other day when it's scorching hot today, God why?! Again! I got off at Maluri and look for the lane heading to Sentul Timur, and waited for a good 5 minutes with the hot weather. I smelled like crap and I was sweating like pig. Thank God it was the right train. I felt like curling myself into a ball and just roll around the train just as a sign of disappointment to myself. I've been in KL since birth and that's not even the first time I got on the wrong train. God, save me from wasting more time going the wrong ways.

Basically arrived Sunway Putra around 1.15P.M when we actually planned to meet around 12P.M. I'm just soooooooo blessed to actually see Mira after the long journey around KL. Had lunch at boat noodle and ordered to much food but no worries we finished everything. Just a little piece here and there but nothing big, Everything's pretty much finished. Went around the malls and just laugh about pretty much everything and anything, I think we were losing it tbvh. Oh btw, we bought couple necklace. Not really for couples though, for soul sister or something like that? Pretty cute aren't we?

*yes my fat chubby hand if you guys miss playing and pinching my hands, here's a picture of it. Maybe you can take me out for lunch and you can hold my hand for a day, please guys, I have nothing much to do after I quit working*

Anyways, that's pretty much it. I'm really really really tired and I just hope the next time I'm going anywhere by public transport, I will never go the wrong directions/lane/sides/trains/bus whatever you name it. I've been through hell.

Lots of Love,
Qeeute sangat

#17

So, the 17th post is dedicated to my maturing self because it's my favorite number! Yay 17!

The first step of my so-called "Let's Get Matured" starter kit was supposedly the "No Kpop Challenge" that I planned out with Hanis. Just thought that, it's too childish to keep on fangirling over Kpop idols after so long. Pointed out, lets put it on a halt. That's what I said. Though, it didn't turn out well. Since I have nothing else to do rather than scrolling down my Vines and there's the too many Kpop related Vines and I just can't simply say no to scroll down even further down the pit of hell. No joke. So it failed. But who cares. I'm good.

Now, there's a dramatic change that I have finally figured out about myself. The insecurities about my looks. Though, I was insecure about my weight. I mean, being a fat ass I am, there's just one question I have to all the skinny homo sapiens in this universe, how do you resist food. Okay, so maybe you have better metabolism rate than me yada yada I get it whatever. Maybe you workout once or twice a week, which, I should've done that long ago. Okay. My fault than. But the insecurities about the look is beyond my own expectation though. I have been buying makeups. Yay me! I did it!

No guys, I don't do contour whatsoever. That's just too much. I have BB Cushion from April Skin which cost me a life but thank God I've been working part time so it didn't kill me that much. But I really so died a little bit on the inside.

So, I got this set right here. It comes with the BB Cushion. Facial wash for day and night and the whitening Magic Snow, which I didn't use because it scares the shit out of me when I see how fair it made me look like. Which is a plus point why I shouldn't regret buying but I know how dark my skin is so no point lying to myself.  So the facial wash has been a great help with my oily skin and acne-prone skin. Still have those nasty pimples, but not as much as I do back then. The BB Cushion is pretty good, I mean I can't really compare it to any other BB cushion, it's my first one. But it was okay, SPF 50++, which is pretty necessary right now. Bought the whole set for RM250. Believe me, I don't understand myself either, but I'm cool. 

So basically, this is the holy grail. I don't even believe myself though. I got my own makeup pouch and the just too much to put in such small pouch. Look at all those shit thingy that I have. Congratulation dear 18 year old self. You did it. You spent all your money on this, how does it feel like, dear self. Was it fun, dear self? Was it? 

But either way, gotta tell you guys that I love love love love love NYX. The matte lipstick is da bomb but hands down to the all time fav NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream. I had Addis Ababa before, a pretty pink shade *heart eyes emoji* So bought the NYX Butter Lipstick in Fireball. Slight orange tint, which I'm not that huge fan of. Thus, the reason why it haven't finished up my now. Got the liptints, which doesn't really cost that much and it just make me all happy and yeah, just happy. What else is there. Got the NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream from Lala, which she accidentally bought the wrong color for herself so she told me to choose between Milan and Ibiza, and she'll sell the other one. So I though, why not but one and get one for free? Thus, the ultimate reason why I have both Ibiza and Milan in my makeup pouch. 

There's my rant about makeup. Didn't see that coming was it? Me neither. Don't worry, I'll try and look for some mascara and lip liner and bronzer and just pretty much everything and be a makeup geek.

Just kidding. I'm good. 

Till then. * heart emoji*

#16

Hello, this is the first post in 2016 on 1st January. How ironic.

Thus, high school ended coolly. I shall say. Basically, we when through a rollercoaster ride last year. It was hectic, indeed. With the fights, dramas. Damn girl, if you haven't matured through those things. I don't what can change your attitude.

Will you miss school?
Definitely. Those chaos. Those nuts. I would definitely miss my friends. The classes. College wouldn't be the same. Our schedule aren't as neat as school was. We wouldn't have those fixed timetables. It's different. And I, here, would like to confess, that I am beyond petrified by what will happen once I step into the college life. Will I have the friends that will stick through thick and thin? Or would I have to be alone? Those cold loneliness, would I feel that all by myself? Will it be tough? I mean, I know it is tough. But, am I capable enough to bear it on my own? I'm scared. Truly scared. How am I supposed to handle the world. It's scary.

Have you read about the kidnaps happening in Malaysia? And how it turn out to be the girl was actually with her boyfriend the whole time? What's happening to the society though? How irresponsible are you, making your parents worried sick. The nation went wild with the news. The girls basically was terrified to go outside by the so-called kidnap case. Getting all panicky when they saw a white van. The police was doing extra works just because your so-called phone calls saying you were kidnapped and someone was going to sell you. Wow, girl. You impressed me by your reckless action and your stupidity that exceeds anyone's expectation. It irked me how reckless the girls nowadays are. How freely their lifestyle are. Hanging out until the very morning, only to come back at 3 AM. What happened to the curfews? Is it not relevant anymore? Aren't the parents at least worried of their children's whereabouts? Damn bro, if I'm not home by 6.30 PM my mom would be calling me non-stop asking where I was. But, I guess, that's not relevant anymore? You could go out without permission whatsoever. I mean, you could at least inform your mother before going out. What if anything happened? I don't understand the society anymore. How oblivious they are towards the things happening. But they freely share news on the media social without knowing the validity of it. It's ironic, how they acted as if they cared about the country. Saying this and that about the economy, education, privilege, and stuffs. But do they do anything about it rather than ranting on the media social? Of course not. They make fun of the ministers. I know, The ministers themselves make fun of themselves by their statements. But hey, show some respects. And if you hate them so much, then do something. Gather up your strength and use your so-called skillful minds to find out solutions.

God, I feel old ranting about something else than school. I'm old. Damnit.

#15

It's the 7th month of 2015 yet its my first post for this year. How have you been? I'm pretty sucked up after all this misery but don't worry I'm staying strong.

How to not get tired of studying? I may ask. I may seek for the answer yet I'm still the same. Don't tell me I didn't try because damn girl I'm getting dark circles again. When was the last time I had them. Dad said he believed in me. He said he knows I could do it. Thank you for the motivation but I'm scared. Scared to disappoint everyone. Scared to give myself a false hope. I'm trying so hard that I think I'm at the peak of giving up. Nobody said it's going to be easy, never did I ever thought that it will. With the presence of my friends, I hope their strength will help me.

Talking about friends, I treasure our friendship.

I treasure it so much that I'm scared to lose you girls. I'm scared of hurting you girls. I'm scared that we'll somehow grew up and the distance between us will grow as well. Thank you for being my pillar of strength throughout the year. Thank you for being my companion. Thank you for studying together and making me realize that it is okay to study in group rather than locking myself from the world to study alone. Thank you for bringing myself back in live, more lively than ever. Thank you for eing the reason for the me be strong for any circumstances.You guys are my constant variables I guess. The one that I will cherish in my life.

I want this friendship to last. I want to go on road trip together, going somewhere we never know existed in Malaysia. I want to ave sleepovers, where we could sleep late talking shits about everything we wanted. Maybe talk about what we hate about each other and vice versa and pretty much solve everyone's problem. I want to go on adventures. But most importantly, I want to be successful with you girls by my side. I want to go to the highest peak of life and looking beside me, seeing you girls as successful as I am. I want to grow old with you girls. Get married, get married and keep having kids and we'll be on our kids' wedding and we'll talk about our past and laugh.

I want us to be like this together and I hope nothing goes wrong.

Hugs and kisses nigzzz, I love you shits

#13

Am I depressed? Well maybe I am. Maybe everything just hit me ao hard I can barely stand on my own. Maybe everyone's expectation is too much for me to handle. Maybe I'm just too coped up with some silly things I can't even fathom myself into it. Maybe I never really planned my life and ended up pitying my luck. But I guess that's just what I thought.

The thing is, I don't know what happened. I'm just tired. I'm exhausted by some mere things that I didn't remember doing. I like being alone. No.  I love being alone. I enjoy being alone. I love how the emptiness runs around me, how darkness envelope me. Maybe that's how enjoy my life at its fullest? 

I have my ups and downs. Everyone has. I never meants to hurt anyone. But I'm sorry, but, I'm too weak for this.