#43: what 2019 had taught me

Here's to the great journey that I’ve been through.

There’s so many things that I’ve come to learn in 2019. Explaining everything would be too lengthy, but, let me summarize bits and pieces of 2019.

Beginning of the year, January.

January felt like a whole year, it was dragging on too slowly for my liking. I had my finals, my semester break, and went back to Sarawak – all in a month. That’s pretty horrible. Then, the semester continues on without that much of a problem, or not too big of a problem for me to look into that much.

I did my internship training with Petronas, and never in my life had I ever expected that I will part of Petronas. I wouldn’t say it was a dream come true, as I was hoping for Maxis for months. But, God had better plan for me and I couldn’t ask for a better team to complete my internship training. I did a lot of things that I never visualized myself doing. Who would’ve thought that I’d spent my whole internship designing media collaterals when I’m majoring in Development Planning and Management, it was a love-hate relationship that I established during my internship. I had the opportunity to have quite a few meetings with big companies and big organizations, where my team delegated the task of presentation to us, the interns. It was a great journey, a great improvement for my self-confidence (that I had lost throughout degree).

I might or might not experience some heartbreaks in 2019. I wouldn’t dwell that much on that. All I could possibly say is that, I learned to let go (?), somehow. I learned the importance of self-worth, you can’t find your self-worth in anyone else – it depends on you, you need to work on yourself.

I learned that falling in love isn’t a race, you don’t need to compete with others – wondering who’ll find their true love first. It doesn’t work that way. You don’t need to chase for love. Love. Love, will find you, in unexplainable ways, they’ll come.

Lastly,

Thank you. Thank you for staying for the longest that you could. Thank you for being there for me, even for a short while. Thank you for being a great listener and thank you for telling me about your day. I do miss you, and the conversations we had daily. But, I understand we don’t have a future together (or so, that’s what I see for now). As much as I should be made at you, I’m not, and I never could bring myself to be mad at you. If anything, I’m madder at myself for not expressing myself, and not telling you how I actually feel about us, whatever you labelled us as. I’m sorry for not showing you enough you, to be a reason for you to stay. I’ll heal again, just as how I healed few years back. But, thank you, really.