#13

Am I depressed? Well maybe I am. Maybe everything just hit me ao hard I can barely stand on my own. Maybe everyone's expectation is too much for me to handle. Maybe I'm just too coped up with some silly things I can't even fathom myself into it. Maybe I never really planned my life and ended up pitying my luck. But I guess that's just what I thought.

The thing is, I don't know what happened. I'm just tired. I'm exhausted by some mere things that I didn't remember doing. I like being alone. No.  I love being alone. I enjoy being alone. I love how the emptiness runs around me, how darkness envelope me. Maybe that's how enjoy my life at its fullest? 

I have my ups and downs. Everyone has. I never meants to hurt anyone. But I'm sorry, but, I'm too weak for this.

#12

Life's hard and no one could ever deny it. It never goes the way you wanted. But it's you who need to go with the flow. I never knew I could ever be accepted for SBP after being rejected several times, my heart had died for SBP anyways. But the only reason I went for it was for my family, I guess. What else could be the reason? Apparently, I survived months after months of mental torture there. Nothing big though, just the craps, you know, dramas. Not that I was surprised. Its girls school, all girls, hormones, emotional, pretty much equivalent towards drama. I never thought of quitting though. I guess, I'm doing pretty good in coping shits like that.

Now here's the best part. I learnt not to get too close with someone because everything that you do, you say, you think, might, or might not, hurt that someone's feeling and thus, world war III happens. You see, I get attached to someone easily, heck I could be clingy and people can't be mad because I'm that irresistible (that's what they said anyways). I say what I want to say, heck, I don't even give a single damn about your damn feelings, I'm used to that kind of shits okay. Little that I knew some people are very sensitive and some are hell insensitive.

To be very honest, I reached the point where I don'y give a single damn about anyone around me and I just want Form 5 to end soon, though we're not even starting yet. And please, I held no power to go against anyone's decision to quit or whatever. I mean, who am I to tell you what's wrong and what't right. But I just wish that I held a place, somewhere in your heart to actually be the alternate reason for you to stay. But heck, I know I don't and people around me kept telling me that I'm the only one who could fix that. You mean a lot to us, and that's the only thing that matters. I'm hoping to see you on the first day in SGS.

#11

The day has finally come and alhamdulillah, I got 8As. Finally, after all these years of failure after another I can finally make my parents proud once again. Alhamdulillah, Syukur. Praise the Almighty for the best result.

Even if you didn't manage to reach your target, it's okay. You've tried your best and you should be proud of yourself. PMR is not the end, try harder for SPM and I believe, if you try your ever bestest, you will be proud of yourself. Congratulation for your result. Flying colors or not, still.

And for my mofos, I still love you no matter what, okay.

Congrats for Alia, Sakinah, Wan, Iman, Qurrata, Fatin, Lala, Anis, Lyana, Hanim, Atika, Intan, Ain, Fatin. love yaaaaaaa

#10

it has been so long after my last update. feel so weird to actually write again.

so as for your information, i can finally lay back and relax for awhile since PMR has ended. yay me! how was the paper? well, bullshit. I don't care about it anymore, I think I pretty much flunked everything.

          Bahasa Malaysia paper 1 was crap, but i checked and scored 34/40. Good enough for someone who usually use bahasa rojak. Paper 2 was okay but I messed up on section C, I tried to write longer than usual, well crap, I don't understand a thing and I don't even know anymore. Agama was, well, let me tell you something, I do read. But I suddenly went blank and well, screw you! The next day, English and Geo was easy, yes, I'm quite confident. On Monday, Science, well I was never fond of Science. I guess you know the outcome. Sejarah was pretty easy maybe because I spent my study week completing my sejarah exercise books. The last day, Maths, well I must say it was pretty easy for me. But I can;t really be too confident because I'm known for being careless, and yeah, I'm praying hard that no careless mistakes were made. KH was, okay, most of the questions are KBKK, so well, I'm just hoping for an A.

     

       Since PMR ended. My lazy self has finally made a comeback. I've skipped school for a few days because my mom gave me the permission to do so. Well I pretty much cuddle myself under the duvet and watch some movies, read fanfiction, read books, and well yeah, I repeat. I wonder where my life has gone to, I'm in misery and I look like some weirdo and my bed is filled with junks. And don't get me started on my books. I have no idea what I'm going to do with it, I'm planning to give it away to someone, might as well give to the Red Cross Society somewhere and let them handle it.

adios amigos i gotta live my life

#9

Don't get me wrong. When I said 'girlfriends' what I actually meant

 my best friends, who's as the same sex as me, girls, soon-to-be ladies, women, wives, moms, grandmas and all that thing related to female.Here's the thing I've been thinking a lot about my friendship with them. Little that they I know, I doubt that we'll fall apart, forge each other as we grow up. I'm scared that our friendship that we built together, that have been through little earthquakes as we fought, as we have little misunderstandings, will fall in pieces.

 My bitches, freaks, retarded-ass idiots, conceited, babies, unbiological sisters, twins, angels, here's something for you :)

Let me start with someone who's been with me for 9 years. We've been friends since we're 7 years old.

I call her Kinot. Since her name is Sakinah and she's shorter than me. I can't imagine my life without this bitch. Her personality caught my heart. I miss her, so much that it hurts me. I knew that our friendship now is shaken a bit, we're in different school. We found new friends, new bestfriends, who might replace me.

I don't know word to describe her. But what I know is, she's a good listener. She's been helping me a lot. She's the best friend that you'll look for. Through ups and downs in our friendship. Here we are, still being all dorks and well, you can say stupid. 

She's an otaku. She's my kitty. She's my bitch. She's my unbiological sister.

 And as for Alia, my mama, gelplen (*girlfriend). She's a big fan of DBSK. Ask her to give FEW DBSK's songs, and you'll end up with endless list of them. (*I haven't download any of them since its too much)
Word that describe her? weird-ass freak. No offence. She's too plainly weird in her own way, which is the reason that I fancy her. (*winks seductively) I don't even know how to describe her. She's too precious that I'm afraid everyone will go after her. She said that I'm complicated. Well, ass. She's the complicated one, she's secretive. She's a pain in the ass. Lol nahh, I'm just joking. Although, is it quite true, sometimes.

We started to get reaaaally close, on early 2009. I guess, wait... I don't remember. Although we've been classmates quite a long time, our conversations during that time.. well you can say... awkward. On 2010, we've really close that no one can separate us. Ihixx. We used to have same phone, but in different color, of course. We used to 'cuci mata', Alia is the only one who'll understand. We used to do 'tawaf' around the school, after UPSR ended. Anyhow, we used to have a lot thing in common. Well, used to.

She's saoirse (*whatever that thing mean, Idek) She's my bitch. She's my unbiological sister.

Ever since I've been to ZR1, I've been with them. 6 of them, which makes us 7 *(it's my favorite number. teehee) Although I'm doubting our friendship for the time being. We're having a liiiiiitle problem. But anyhow, we're one heck of a noisy girls. They're bunch of idiots. Our randomness might kill someone. We make fun of each other, talk bad of each other and regretting on it later. After one of us is sulking. To be very honest, we have our own planning to make our own villa, we'll live there together. There;ll be 7 houses. Each for one. We'll have our own playground and gardens, club, swimming pools. Yeap, we're that normal.

We stand for each other. We have each other's back during ups and downs. I can't describe how much I love them. The fact that each of us might be leaving to a boarding school after PMR is quite... idk, I'm just... I'll miss them.

Stupid bitches getting on my nerves. I love you chicken nuggets for life.

Now bitches, we're facing PMR this year. Let's work hard for it. Picture ourselves being the best students of our school. Picture ourselves getting 8As. Good luck mofos, love ya guize :*